Is Portal 2 safe for a Christian family?

By Karl D - Sun Apr 24, 2:53 pm

“Grand Theft Auto turns our children into gangsters”

“Mass Effect sells sex to kids”

“Modern Warfare 2 lets us experience life as a terrorist”

These are just a few examples of how videogames are portrayed in society, the media loves to place the blame on gaming whenever our kids are doing something stupid. However we think it’s fair to say we’ve found the most insane/hilarious accusation of all.

Ice Van Winkle of was apparently shocked to find his children had experienced a game full of glory holes, homosexual robots,orange lubricant gel and even going as far as to accuse Valve of being associated with pro-child molestation group NAMBLA.

“As soon as I heard the name “Portal 2”, my suspicions grew and I immediately found myself wondering which body part the game might be referring to. I rushed to the computer that I keep locked away from my impressionable children, and what I found was truly disturbing. Just 10 minutes of Bing research produced so much evidence that this game was a homosexual recruitment tool that I have now forbidden it.”

Mr. Winkle goes on to describe the game mechanics, explaining how the character uses mechanical penis guns to traverse through environments which he believes to be gay bath houses.

The full article can be found here and we must stress a WARNING: there is an image used in this article which is unsuitable for children or the work environment.


Comments -49 - 0 of 9First« PrevNext »Last
  1. 0

    They must be trollin'. Has to be fake…

  2. 0

    I'm loving the name "Ice"-Vanilla Ice, Van Winkle-Robert Van Winkle.

  3. 0

    This is fake, it's from a guy that writes all kinds of "Onion" esque articles. Do a little research before you sensationalize something.

  4. 0

    So obviously a joke. Nobody is that stupid. Not even Christians.

  5. 0

    Christwire is a satirical website that publishes blog style articles that highlight perceived excesses of Christian conservatives.

    i almost believed it lol.

  6. 0

    you do know that is a complete work of fiction / satirical site, right ? 😉

  7. 0

    This didnt come from a real Christian website. It came from a joke site and you knew it. sadfsadfsad

  8. 0

    OMG LOLWTF. Funniest article ever. Thanks, Lo-Ping.

  9. 0

    This HAS to be fake, there's just no way. This is a joke. It MUST be a joke.
    This site is not run by Christians, but is clearly a site run by people trying to bash Christians and destroy their credibility by portraying them as stupid, prejudiced and bigoted with articles such as these. This site is NOT A CHRISTIAN SITE, but is probably run by athiests trying to destroy Christianity.

    1. 0

      …excellent stuff. I'm all for undermining christianity whether done by so called christians or any other person.

    2. 0

      See, this is *exactly* why satire exists. I literally can't tell if Cameron's comment is sincere or just adding a satirical comment to the satire.

      Christians don't need any help destroying their credibility. And any Christian who reads the Bible and comes out believing that if you aren't rabidly pro-Christian you must be an atheist missed the point entirely. So I am hoping the comment was just satire, but not investing a lot into that hope.

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